Coming into my last semester of Bible College, I faced every student’s two worst fears: I had nowhere to go after graduation, and I was single. God soon gave me an opportunity to serve at the church I am still at today, but it took a few more years to find a wife!
I had a serious relationship at college that didn’t work out; and after that, nothing. Most people were already paired up by then, and not a few were simply uninterested. I went through the same struggles that I think most single Christians do…wondering why God didn’t give me a spouse when He did to others, struggling with the loneliness. I got advice from trusted friends, put myself out there, but nothing happened! I had a few dates and “talked” with some girls in that awkward “getting to know you” kind of way, but it wasn’t the right fit, and I knew it.
Fast forward, and I’m now happily married. Things changed! And they changed FAST! I’ll get to that in a minute; but in the meantime, I learned some things from my singleness that I hope might be helpful to someone else. There seems to be a lot of articles directed towards helping single Christians, but I learned some things from my own experiences that I didn’t read elsewhere. So here’s some thoughts that I have…I hope someone finds it helpful!
Joy and satisfaction comes from Jesus.
It’s obvious, and I’m sure you’ve heard it before; but we are forgetful and need to be reminded! You can still be fulfilled and joyful in every situation (even being single when you don’t want to be!) in Jesus. Remember that you live for Him, He loves you, and He is enough for you.
Focus on what you do have
Choose to be thankful; it will make the difference between you being happy and you being miserable! I got married three years after I moved to Washington. I didn’t have a wife, but God gave me an amazing group of friends that brought me a lot of love, joy, and happiness. He gave me a great family. There’s always things to be thankful for!
Godly friends can be an amazing source of love, encouragement, support, and happiness. Make an effort to actively develop them! Get friends together for activities; if you don’t have friends, ask God to give you some, and look for people to develop friendships with.
Use your time wisely
As a single person, you may be very busy (you probably are!), but you don’t have a spouse or children, which does give you some more freedom with your time. Don’t spend it all watching TV or playing video games! Learn a skill you can use for God! Further your education! Read some good books.
No one has all the answers
I had wise, well-meaning people give me completely different advice! Some said to just wait until the God puts the right person in my path. Others said to just put myself out there, be a man, and FIND a wife!
This might be a bummer to hear, but there is no RIGHT answer. Should you go on ChristianMingle? Maybe! I have a friend who met his wife on a dating app. Should you wait instead? I don’t know! The truth is, we are all unique people with unique stories. Your story won’t be just like someone else’s, and what worked for someone may not work for you.
Pray and trust God
I can’t say exactly what you should do if you want a spouse and don’t have one; but start with trusting God! He knows what you need and wants to give you good things. Bring your request to Him and ask Him, consistently, for a spouse, if that’s what you want.
Dating, for it’s own sake, is vain
I mean that it’s empty. Just going on dates with no purpose involved, or intention to pursue marriage is useless. It’s not fulfilling! Dating someone you just aren’t into is equally unfulfilling. It’s better to be single than in a relationship with someone that just isn’t a good fit!
Not everyone gets married…and that’s OK!
You don’t have to be married! If you would rather serve God as a single person, that’s ok; in fact, Paul says that can be better, in certain situations.
Not everyone gets married who wants to be married…
That’s an uncomfortable truth; it took a while for me to swallow that pill as a single person. But God does not owe you a spouse; He didn’t promise you one! But you can still be happy and have a wonderful, blessed, life. God may not give you a spouse, but He is abundantly good, and will give you above and beyond what you need.
…but most do.
Don’t get freaked out! Most people who desire marriage will get married. Hang in there!
Focus on yourself
I know that sounds selfish, but I mean focus on being the person you should be! Work on developing your character and being a godly person.
Don’t be conceited
I saw once, in a Facebook post from a single young lady, a picture that said something like, “Great girls are like apples at the top of a tall tree. Boys are too afraid to get them, so they settle for the lower apples, or the ones that have fallen on the ground. Hang in there, girl! Wait for someone to climb that tree all the way to the top!”
I mean…come on! That’s an arrogant way of thinking. The point of that is to say, “if you’re single, it’s because you’re so great, no one has come along who is worthy of you.” I’m sorry, but I really doubt that’s true; being single doesn’t mean your worse than others, but it also doesn’t mean your better.
It’s worth asking if there is something you need to change.
There could be something about you that is off-putting to potential spouses. I’m not saying there is, but it’s a possibility! For example, my wife was very resistant to dating me for a long time, in part because I came across as sarcastic and arrogant. Don’t beat yourself up and start thinking you’re just a terrible person if you don’t have someone in your life; we are all sinners who need a lot of work! But it’s worth considering. Guys, if you’re a slob who doesn’t know how to look presentable or take care of himself…maybe it’s time to shape up! On the other hand, maybe the right person just really hasn’t come along.
You never know what will happen!
I was in love with my wife for over two years before we had our first date. I was head over heels crazy about her…and she was not at all interested in me that way. In fact, she was dead-set against the idea! She told her parents to never let her date me! But over time, we developed a very deep friendship. I had so many disappointments and rejections from her that I had completely given up hope that she would ever love me back. But everything completely turned around in one week. I’m serious! After two and a half years of heartbreak, rejection, and “no’s”, things changed drastically in one week! I went from thinking it was hopeless to being her boyfriend in less than two weeks. You truly never know what’s around the corner! So hang in there! And choose to be happy, joyful, and fulfilled in Christ, no matter what happens.